Okay, so the story of UH-smen versus ooh-SMAHN (henceforth to be known as U1 and U2): As far as I can recall (and I was piecing this together back in elementary school, so I’m fairly certain this is correct; on the other hand, I am relying on the 25-year-old memories of an eight-year-old, so take it for what it’s worth), U1’s humble origins lay way back in kindergarten for me, when my teacher, Mrs. Grisham, read my name off her student list as UH-smen. Thereafter, this pronunciation probably got picked up as other teachers got wind of my existence, and like the leading edge of a wildfire, was always a step or two ahead of me as I moved from grade to grade. Since U1 started when I was so young, and became so universal so quickly (within the confines of the Canton Central School District), it didn’t even really register to me as “wrong”, but merely different from what my parents called me (this is further complicated by the fact that my parents are from totally different countries and thus pronounce my name in two somewhat different ways as well, but that’s a whole other story entirely). Those two spheres of life were separate enough to me that I’d just introduce myself as U1, in the rare case that I met someone who didn’t already know my name.

When I was about 14 years old, things changed (in many ways, amirite?). I started to realize that I wasn’t going to stay in Canton forever, and that when I left, I’d probably be the first Usman the people I’d encounter had ever met; but because the rest of the world isn’t as insular as Canton, I might not be the last Usman they’d ever met. On the other hand, going around telling everyone I knew in Canton that my name (U1) wasn’t really my name anymore seemed absurd. Also, I kind of regarded U1 as an interesting local variant pronunciation by that point, like an accent; and who was I to say that was right or wrong? So my solution was to institute what seemed like a simple rule at the time: from that point forward, I would introduce myself to anyone from St. Lawrence County as U1 (UH-smen); for anyone from outside St. Lawrence County, I would be U2 (ooh-SMAHN). This actually worked remarkably well, except for once during an indoor track meet when I met some athletes from Watertown and had to introduce myself as U2 in front of my teammates. That was a little… awkward.

As for your parents pronouncing my name in the U2 fashion, that might have been the reason, although I can’t remember whether I told them or not; you’d have to ask them. Anyway, once I left for college, it’s been ooh-SMAHN all the way for me, although if someone from Canton calls me UH-smen, I don’t bother to “correct” them; I basically think of it as my alternate name, the one that only people from my hometown get to use. Like Usul.

Judges Sentencing Children for Kickbacks

Judges Sentencing Children for Kickbacks

By the way, its actually closer to 1 in 50 people in jail in the USA it’s still a ridiculous number.

Dante from Puerto Rico

I’m lookin’ forward to my dinner!